Samukela bonke abafuna iqiniso ukuba basithinte.

Izwi Livela Lisenyameni

Okuqukethwe

Izwi Lamashumi Amathathu Nesishiyagalolunye

Usuku nosuku ngihamba phezu kwemikhathi, ngibuka zonke izinto ezidalwe yisandla Sami. Ngenhla kwamazulu yindawo Yami yokuphumula, ngezansi kukhona izwe engihamba kulo. Ngibusa yonke into phakathi kwalezo ezikhona, ngilayela konke kukho konke okukhona, ngenze ukuthi konke okukhona kuthobele indlela yemvelo nokuthobela umyalo wemvelo. Ngenxa yokuthi ngiyabazonda labo abangalaleli, ngiyabenyanya labo abangiphikisayo bese bengaweli endaweni, ngizokwenza konke kuthobele izinhlelo Zami, ngaphandle kokuzabalaza, ngizokwenza konke okusemkhathini kulandele uhlelo. Ubani ongalokotha azabalaze ngokuthanda kwakhe? Ubani ongalokotha angahloniphi izinhlelo zesandla Sami? Abantu bangaba kanjani “nentshisekelo” yokungihlubuka? Ngizoletha abantu phambi “kokhokho” babo, ngenze ukuthi okhokho babo babahole bababuyisele emindenini yabo, futhi ngeke bavunyelwe ukuthi bahlubuke okhokho babo bese bebuya beza Kimi. Linjalo icebo Lami. Namuhla, uMoya Wami uhamba emhlabeni, unikeza zonke izinhlobo zabantu izinombolo, ufaka izimpawu ezihlukene kubo bonke abantu, ukuze okhokho babo babahole ngempumelelo bababuyisele emindenini yabo bese ngingabe ngisadinga ukuqhubeka “nokukhathazeka” ngabo, okuyinto ewuhlupho; kanjalo, ngehlukanisa nomsebenzi, ngisabalalise nemizamo. Lokhu yingxenye yohlelo Lwami, futhi angeke luphazanyiswe muntu. Ngizokhetha abafanele abazomela konke okukhona abazophatha zonke izinto, ngilethe ngokuhleleka ukuthoba kwakho konke phambi Kwami. Ngivamise ukuzulazula ngaphezulu kwamazulu, ngijwayele nokuhamba ngaphansi kwawo. Ngibuka izwe elikhulu lapho abantu befika behamba khona, ngibheke abantu, beminyene emhlabeni, ngibona izinyoni nezilo ezihlala emhlabeni, ngingenakho okunye ngaphandle komuzwa wokudabuka enhliziyweni Yami. Ngenxa yokuthi ngesikhathi ngidala izinto, ngenza zonke izinto, kanye nokuphelela kwazo zonke izinto kwenza imisebenzi yaoo ezindaweni zako ngokwezinhlelo Zami, ngihleka ngiphezulu, bese kuthi zonke izinto ezingaphansi kwamazulu zizwa umsindo wohleko Lwami, ngokushesha ziyagqugquzeleka, ngoba ngalesi sikhathi umsebenzi Wami omkhulu usuke usuphelile. Ngifaka ubuhlakani bezulu kumuntu, ngimenze ukuthi angimele phakathi kwezinto zonke, ngoba ngadala umuntu ukuze angimele, hhayi ukuthi angangihloniphi kodwa angidumise ekujuleni kwenhliziyo yakhe. Ubani okwazi ukufinyelela kulawa mazwi alula kangaka? Kungani umuntu elokhu egcina inhliziyo yakhe kuye? Ngabe inhliziyo yakhe akuyona eYami? Akukona ukuthi ngicela izinto kumuntu ngaphandle kwemibandela, kodwa ulokhu engoWami. Ngingabanika kanjani kalula abanye izinto okungeZami? Ngimnika kanjani omunye umuntu “izingubo zokugqoka” engizenzile ukuba azigqoke? Emehlweni abantu, kubukeka sengathi ngilahlekelwe umqondo, ngiphethwe yisifo esithinta ingqondo, futhi azikho izindlela zabantu engiziqondayo, kubukeka sengathi ngiyisithutha Ngakho, abantu bahlala bengibuka sengathi nginobungane, kodwa abangithandi ngeqiniso. Ngenxa yokuthi konke okwenziwa umuntu ukwenzela ukuthi angenze isilima, ngisusa bonke abantu ngolaka Lwami. Kuzo zonke izinto engizidalile, abantu kuphela abahlala bezama izindlela zokungikhohlisa, futhi kungenxa yalokhu ngithi umuntu “ungumbusi” kuzo zonke izinto.

Namuhla ngiphonsela bonke abantu “esithandweni esikhulu somlilo” ukuze bahlanzwe. Ngima ngibhekisise ngesikhathi abantu besha ngokuphoqwa amalangabi, abantu babeka phambili amaqiniso. Lena ngenye yezindlela engisebenza ngazo. Uma bekungenjalo abantu bebezovuma “ukuthobeka,” futhi akekho obezofuna ukuba owokuqala ukuthi avule umlomo wakhe akhulume ngalokhu ahlangabezane nakho, kodwa bonke bazobukana nje. Lokhu yikona okucacisa ubuhlakani Bami, ngoba ngazihlela ngaphambilini ngaphambi kwenkathi izindaba zanamuhla. Kanjalo, abantu ngokungaqondi bangena esithandweni somlilo, sengathi baholelwe lapho ngentambo, sengathi bandikindiki. Akekho oyophunyuka elangabini, “bayahlaselana”, “bagijima ngentokozo,” besakhathazeke kakhulu ngokuthi ikusasa labo lizoba njani esithandweni somlilo, besaba ukuthi bazosha baze bafe. Uma nginyakazisa umlilo, ukhula ngokuphazima kweso, unyuke uye esibhakabhakeni, bese amalangabi elokhu ethinta izingubo Zami, kungathi azama ukuzidonsela esithandweni somlilo. Abantu bangibuka ngamehlo anokumangala. Bese khona manje ngilandela umlilo ngingene esithandweni somlilo, ngalesi sikhathi, amalangabi ayakhula, abantu bayamemeza. Ngihambahambe phakathi kwamalangabi. Amalangabi akhule, kodwa awahlosile ukungilimaza, bese ngiphinda nginikezela ngezingubo Zami ezisemzimbeni Wami emlilweni futhi–kodwa ayaziqhelelanisa Nami. Kulapho kuphela lapho abantu bebona khona ubuso Bami bangempela ngokukhanyiswa amalangabi. Ngenxa yokuthi baphakathi kwesithando somlilo esishisayo, bayabaleka baye zinhlangothi zonke ngenxa yobuso Bami, bese isithando somlilo siyaqala “ukubila.” Bonke abasemlilweni babone Indodana yomuntu, ecwengekile emlilweni. Yize izingubo ezisemzimbeni Wakhe kungezijwayelekile, kodwa zinhle kakhulu; yize izicathulo ezinyaweni Zakhe zingamangazi, zivusa umona omkhulu; ukucwebezela okunomlilo kukhipha imisebe yokushisa ebusweni Bakhe, amehlo Akhe ayakhazimula, kubukeka sengathi ukukhanya okusemehlweni Akhe okwenza abantu babone ubuso Bakhe bangempela ngokucacile. Abantu bayamangala, futhi babona ingubo emhlophe emzimbeni Wakhe, nezinwele Zakhe, ezimhlophe njengewuli, zilengela emahlombe Akhe. Ikakhulukazi, ibhande legolide esifubeni Sakhe likhanya lokhu okuxhophayo, kanti nezicathulo ezinyaweni Zakhe zinhle kakhulu. Nangenxa yokuthi izicathulo ezigqokwe Indodana yomuntu zisele emlilweni, abantu bakholwa ukuthi ziyamangaza. Kungesikhathi bezwa ubuhlungu lapho abantu bebona khona umlomo weNdodana yomuntu. Yize becwengwa emlilweni, abaqondi nelilodwa izwi eliphuma emlonyeni weNdodana yomuntu, kanjalo, ngalesi sikhathi, ayikho into abayizwayo ephuma ephinjeni elimnandi leNdodana yomuntu, kodwa babona inkemba ebukhali esemlonyeni Wakhe, bese engabe esasho lutho, kodwa inkemba Yakhe iyamlimaza umuntu. Bezungezwe amalangabi, abantu babekezelela ubuhlungu. Ngenxa yokufuna kwabo ukwazi, bayaqhubeka nokubuka indlela engajwayelekile ebukeka ngayo iNdodana yomuntu, kungalesi sikhathi lapho bebona khona ukuthi izinkanyezi eziyisikhombisa esandleni Sakhe sezinyamalele. Ngenxa yokuthi iNdodana yomuntu isesithandweni somlilo, ayikho emhlabeni, izinkanyezi eziyisikhombisa esandleni Sakhe ziyasuswa, ngoba ziyisingathekiso nje. Ngalesi sikhathi, azibe zisashiwo kodwa zibekwa ezingxenyeni ezahlukene zeNdodana yomuntu. Kulokhu abantu abakukhumbulayo, ukuba khona kwezinkanyezi eziyisikhombisa kuletha ukungakhululeki. Namuhla, angisazenzi izinto zibe lukhuni kubantu, ngisusa izinkanyezi eziyisikhombisa eNdodaneni yomuntu, bese ngihlanganisa zonke izingxenye zeNdodana yomuntu zibe yinto eyodwa ephelele. Kungalesi sikhathi kuphela lapho umuntu ebona khona ukuvela Kwami okuphelele. Abantu ngeke baphinde bahlukanise uMoya Wami enyameni Yami, ngoba nginyukile ngisuka emhlabeni ngaya endaweni ephakeme. Abantu babubonile ubuso Bami beqiniso, abasangihlukanisi, futhi ngeke ngisabekezelela ukuhlukumeza komuntu. Ngoba ngingena esithandweni somlilo naye umuntu, usathembela Kimi, uyabubona ubukhona Bami ekuqapheleni kwakhe. Ngalokho, konke lokhu okuyigolide leqiniso kancane kancane kuqoqeka Nami khona emlilweni ovuthayo, okuyileso sikhathi lapho konke kuhlukaniswa ngokohlobo. Ngihlukanisa uhlobo ngalunye “lokusansimbi,” ngikwenze kubuyele emindenini yakho, kungalesi sikhathi lapho izinto ziqala khona ukuvuseleleka…

Kungenxa yokuthi umuntu ungcole kakhulu yingakho ngimphonsa esithandweni somlilo ukuze ashe. Kodwa akashatshalaliswa amalangabi, kodwa uyacwengeka, ukuze ngithokoze ngaye–ngoba engikufunayo yinto eyenziwe ngegolide elicwengekile, elingenakho ukungacwengeki, ezingangcolile, nento ezinokonakala. Abantu abayiqondi indlela engizizwa ngayo, ngakho, ngaphambi kokugibela “etafuleni lokuhlinzela” baba nexhala, okungathi, emva kokubahlinza, ngizobabulala khona lapho besalele etafuleni lokuhlinzela. Ngiyayiqonda indlela abantu abazizwa ngayo, kanjalo ngibonakala njengomunye wabantu. Ngiyazwelana kakhulu “nebhadi” lomuntu, futhi angazi ukuthi kungani umuntu “egula.” Ukube ubenempilo, engenasici, ngabe sikuphi isidingo sokuhlawula inani, nokuchitha isikhathi etafuleni lokuhlinzela? Kodwa amaqiniso ngeke ahoxiswe–ubani otshele umuntu ukuthi angakunaki “ukuhlanzeka kokudla”? Ubani omtshele ukuthi angakunaki ukuba nempilo? Namuhla, yiziphi ezinye izindlela enginazo? Ukuze ngikhombise ukuzwelana Kwami nomuntu, ngingena naye “egumbini lokuhlinzela”–futhi ubani ongitshele ukuthi ngithande umuntu? Kanjalo, “ummese wokuhlinza” ngiwuthatha Mina ngoKwami ngiqale “ngihlinze” umuntu ngivimbele okunye ukugula okungabangelwa yilesi simo. Ngenxa yokuthembeka Kwami kumuntu, abantu bayakhala kabuhlungu bekhombisa ukubonga kwabo Kimi. Abantu bakholwa ukuthi kubalulekile Kimi ukulunga, ukuthi ngizosiza uma “abangani” Bami besebunzimeni, futhi abantu babonga kakhulu ubumnene Bami, bese bethi bazongithumelela “izipho” uma sebelaphekile ezifweni–kodwa angikunaki lokhu abakushoyo, kunalokho ngigxila ekuhlinzeni umuntu. Ngenxa yobuthaka bomuntu emzimbeni, esaba ummese uvala amehlo akhe alale ethukile etafuleni lokuhlinzela–kodwa anginaki lutho, ngiyaqhubeka nokwenza umsebenzi osezandleni Zami. Uma ukuhlinzwa sekuphelile, abantu sebephunyukile “ezidladleni zengwe.” Ngibondla ngezakhamzimba ezinothile, yize bengazi, izakhamzimba ezikubo ngaphakathi zilokhu zikhula kancane kancane. Bese ngiyabamamathekela, bese bebona ubuso Bami beqiniso kuphela emva kokuthi sebebuye baphila, bese bengithanda kakhulu, bangithathe njengobaba wabo–ngabe lokhu akusikho ukuxhumana kwezulu nomhlaba?

uNhlaba 4, 1992