Usuku nosuku ngihamba phezu komhlaba nezulu, ngibuka zonke izinto ezidalwe yisandla Sami. Ngenhla kwamazulu yindawo Yami yokuphumula, ngezansi kukhona izwe engihamba kulo. Ngibusa konke phakathi kwezinto, ngiyalela konke kukho konke kukhona, ngenze ukuthi konke okukhona kuthobele indlela yemvelo futhi kuthobele umyalo wemvelo. Ngenxa yokuthi ngiyabazonda labo abangalaleli, futhi ngiyabenyanya labo abangiphikisayo bese bengahambisani nokohlobo lwabo, ngizokwenza konke kuthobele izinhlelo Zami, ngaphandle kokuzabalaza, ngizokwenza konke okungaphezulu komhlaba nokusemhlabeni kuhleleke. Ubani ongalokotha amelane Nami ngokuthanda kwakhe? Ubani ongalokotha angahloniphi izinhlelo zesandla Sami? Abantu bangaba kanjani “nentshisekelo” yokungihlubuka? Ngizoletha abantu phambi “kokhokho” babo, ngenze ukuthi okhokho babo babahole bababuyisele emindenini yabo, futhi ngeke bavunyelwe ukuthi bahlubuke okhokho babo bese bebuya beza Kimi. Linjalo icebo Lami. Namuhla, uMoya Wami uhamba emhlabeni, unikeza zonke izinhlobo zabantu izinombolo, ufaka izimpawu ezihlukene kulo lonke uhlobo lwabantu, ukuze okhokho babo babahole ngempumelelo bababuyisele emindenini yabo bese ngingabe ngisadinga ukuqhubeka “nokukhathazeka” ngabo, okuyinto ewuhlupho kakhulu; kanjalo, ngehlukanisa nomsebenzi, ngisabalalise nemizamo. Lokhu yingxenye yohlelo Lwami, futhi angeke luphazanyiswe muntu. Ngizokhetha abafanele kukho konke okukhona abazophatha zonke izinto, ngilethe ukuthoba okuhlelekile kwakho konke phambi Kwami. Ngivamise ukuzulazula ngaphezulu kwamazulu, ngijwayele nokuhamba ngaphansi kwawo. Ngibuka izwe elikhulu kulo abantu befika behamba, ngibheke abantu, beminyene emhlabeni, ngibona izinyoni nezilo ezihlala emhlabeni, ngingenakho okunye ngaphandle komuzwa wokudabuka enhliziyweni Yami. Ngenxa yokuthi ngesikhathi ngidala izinto, ngenza zonke izinto, kanye nokuphelela kwazo zonke izinto kwenza imisebenzi yakho ezindaweni zakho ngokwezinhlelo Zami, ngihleka ngiphezulu, bese kuthi lapho zonke izinto ezingaphansi kwamazulu zizwa umsindo wohleko Lwami, zigqugquzeleke ngokushesha, ngoba ngalesi sikhathi umsebenzi Wami omkhulu usuke usuphelile. Ngifaka ubuhlakani bezulu kumuntu, ngimenze ukuthi angimele phakathi kwezinto zonke, ngoba ngadala umuntu ukuze angimele, hhayi ukuthi angangihloniphi kodwa angidumise ekujuleni kwenhliziyo yakhe. Futhi ubani okwazi ukufinyelela kulawa mazwi alula kangaka? Kungani umuntu elokhu egcina inhliziyo yakhe kuye? Ngabe inhliziyo yakhe akuyona eYami? Akukhona ukuthi ngicela izinto kumuntu ngaphandle kwemibandela, kodwa ulokhu engoWami. Ngingabanika kanjani kalula abanye izinto okungeZami? Ngimnika kanjani omunye umuntu “izingubo zokugqoka” engizenzile ukuba azigqoke? Emehlweni abantu, kubukeka sengathi ngilahlekelwe umqondo, ngiphethwe yisifo esithinta ingqondo, futhi azikho izindlela zabantu engiziqondayo, kubukeka sengathi ngiyisithutha Ngakho, abantu bahlala bengibuka sengathi nginobungane, kodwa abangithandi ngeqiniso. Ngenxa yokuthi konke okwenziwa umuntu ukwenzela ukuthi angenze isilima ngamabomu, ngisusa bonke abantu ngolaka Lwami. Kuzo zonke izinto engizidalile, yisintu kuphela esihlala sizama izindlela zokungikhohlisa, futhi kungenxa yalokhu ngithi umuntu “ungumbusi” wazo zonke izinto.

Namuhla ngiphonsa bonke abantu “esithandweni esikhulu somlilo” ukuze bacwengwe. Ngima ngiphakeme ngibhekisise ngesikhathi abantu besha emlilweni futhi, ngokuphoqwa amalangabi, abantu babeka phambili amaqiniso. Lena ngenye yezindlela engisebenza ngazo. Uma bekungenjalo abantu bebezovuma “ukuthobeka,” futhi akekho obezofuna ukuba owokuqala ukuthi avule umlomo wakhe akhulume ngalokhu ahlangabezane nakho, kodwa bonke bazobukana nje. Lokhu yikona okucacisa ubuhlakani Bami, ngoba ngazihlela ngaphambilini ngaphambi kwenkathi izindaba zanamuhla. Kanjalo, abantu ngokungaqondi bangena esithandweni somlilo, sengathi baholelwe lapho ngentambo, sengathi bandikindiki. Akekho ongaphunyuka elangabini, “bayahlaselana”, “bagijima ngentokozo,” besakhathazeke kakhulu ngokuthi isiphetho sabo sizoba njani esithandweni somlilo, besaba ngokujulile ukuthi bazosha baze bafe. Uma nginyakazisa umlilo, ukhula ngokuphazima kweso, unyuke uye esibhakabhakeni, bese amalangabi elokhu ethinta izingubo Zami, kungathi azama ukuzidonsela esithandweni somlilo. Abantu bangibuka ngamehlo anokumangala. Khona lapho, ngilandela umlilo ngingene esithandweni somlilo, futhi ngalesi sikhathi, amalangabi ayakhula, futhi abantu bayamemeza. Ngihambahamba phakathi kwamalangabi. Amalangabi ayakhula, kodwa awahlosile ukungilimaza, bese ngiphinda nginikezela ngezingubo Zami ezisemzimbeni wami emalangabini futhi—kodwa ayaziqhelelanisa Nami. Kulapho kuphela lapho abantu bebona khona ubuso Bami bangempela ngokukhanyiswa amalangabi. Ngenxa yokuthi baphakathi kokushisa kwesithando somlilo, bayabaleka baye zinhlangothi zonke ngenxa yobuso Bami, bese isithando somlilo siqala ngokushesha “ukubila.” Bonke abasemalangabini babona iNdodana yomuntu, ecwengekile emlilweni. Yize izingubo ezisemzimbeni Wayo kungezijwayelekile, kodwa zinhle kakhulu; yize izicathulo ezinyaweni Zayo zingamangazi, zivusa umona omkhulu; ukucwebezela okunomlilo kukhipha imisebe yokushisa ebusweni Bayo, amehlo Ayo ayakhazimula, kubukeka sengathi ukukhanya okusemehlweni Ayo okwenza abantu babone ubuso Bayo bangempela ngokucacile. Abantu bayamangala, futhi babona ingubo emhlophe emzimbeni Wayo, nezinwele Zayo, ezimhlophe njengoboya bemvu, zilengela emahlombe Ayo. Okuqaphelekayo, ibhande legolide esifubeni Sayo likhanya ngokukhanya okuxhophayo, kanti nezicathulo ezinyaweni Zayo zinhle kakhulu. Futhi ngenxa yokuthi izicathulo ezigqokwe yiNdodana yomuntu zisele emlilweni, abantu bakholwa ukuthi ziyamangaza. Kungezikhathi bezwa iziwombe zobubuhlungu lapho abantu bebona khona umlomo weNdodana yomuntu. Yize becwengwa emlilweni, abaqondi nelilodwa izwi eliphuma emlonyeni weNdodana yomuntu, kanjalo, ngalesi sikhathi, ayikho into abayizwayo ephuma ephinjeni elimnandi leNdodana yomuntu, kodwa babona inkemba ebukhali esemlonyeni Wayo, futhi ayibe isasho lutho, kodwa inkemba Yayo iyamlimaza umuntu. Bezungezwe amalangabi, abantu babekezelela ubuhlungu. Ngenxa yokufuna kwabo ukwazi, bayaqhubeka nokubuka indlela engajwayelekile ebukeka ngayo iNdodana yomuntu, kungalesi sikhathi lapho bebona khona ukuthi izinkanyezi eziyisikhombisa esandleni Sayo sezinyamalele. Ngenxa yokuthi iNdodana yomuntu isesithandweni somlilo, ayikho emhlabeni, izinkanyezi eziyisikhombisa esandleni Sayo ziyasuswa, ngoba ziyisingathekiso nje. Ngalesi sikhathi, azibe zisashiwo kodwa zibekwa ezingxenyeni ezahlukene zeNdodana yomuntu. Kulokhu abantu abakukhumbulayo, ukuba khona kwezinkanyezi eziyisikhombisa kuletha ukungakhululeki. Namuhla, angisazenzi izinto zibe lukhuni kumuntu, ngisusa izinkanyezi eziyisikhombisa eNdodaneni yomuntu, bese ngihlanganisa zonke izingxenye zeNdodana yomuntu zibe yinto eyodwa ephelele. Kungalesi sikhathi kuphela lapho umuntu ebona khona ukubonakala Kwami okuphelele. Abantu ngeke baphinde bahlukanise uMoya Wami enyameni Yami, ngoba nginyukile ngisuka emhlabeni ngaya endaweni ephakeme. Abantu babonile ubuso Bami bangempela, abasangihlukanisi, futhi angisabekezeleli ukunyunda komuntu. Ngoba ngingena esithandweni somlilo naye umuntu, usathembela Kimi, uyabubona ubukhona Bami ekuqapheleni kwakhe. Ngalokho, konke lokhu okuyigolide elimsulwa kancane kancane kuqoqeka Nami khona emlilweni ovuthayo, okuyileso sikhathi lapho konke kuhlukaniswa ngokohlobo. Ngihlukanisa uhlobo ngalunye “lokusansimbi,” ngikwenze kubuyele emindenini yakho, kungalesi sikhathi lapho izinto ziqala khona ukuvuseleleka …

Kungenxa yokuthi umuntu ungcole kakhulu okwenza ngimphonse esithandweni somlilo ukuze ashe. Kodwa akashabalaliswa amalangabi, kodwa uyacwengeka, ukuze ngithokoze ngaye–ngoba engikufunayo yinto eyenziwe ngegolide elicwengekile, engenakho ukungacwengeki, hhayi izinto ezingcolile, ezonakele. Abantu abayiqondi indlela engizizwa ngayo, ngakho, ngaphambi kokugibela “etafuleni lokuhlinzela” baba nexhala, okungathi, emva kokubahlinza, ngizobabulala khona lapho besalele etafuleni lokuhlinzela. Ngiyayiqonda indlela abantu abazizwa ngayo, kanjalo ngibonakala njengomunye wesintu. Ngiyazwelana kakhulu “nebhadi” lomuntu, futhi angazi ukuthi kungani umuntu “egula.” Ukube ubenempilo, engenasici, ngabe sikuphi isidingo sokuhlawula inani, nokuchitha isikhathi etafuleni lokuhlinzwa? Kodwa amaqiniso ngeke ahoxiswe—ubani otshele umuntu ukuthi angakunaki “ukuhlanzeka kokudla”? Ubani omtshele ukuthi angakunaki ukuba nempilo? Namuhla, yiziphi ezinye izindlela enginazo? Ukuze ngikhombise ukuzwelana Kwami nomuntu, ngingena naye “egumbini lokuhlinzwa”—futhi ubani ongitshele ukuthi ngithande umuntu? Ngalokho, ngiwuthatha ngoKwami “ummese wokuhlinza” ngiqale “ngihlinze” umuntu ngivimbele okunye ukugula okungabangelwa yilesi simo. Ngenxa yokuthembeka Kwami kumuntu, abantu bayakhala ebuhlungwini bekhombisa ukubonga kwabo Kimi. Abantu bakholwa ukuthi kubalulekile Kimi ukwethembeka, ukuthi ngizosiza uma “abangani” Bami besebunzimeni, futhi abantu babonga kakhulu ubumnene Bami, bese bethi bazongithumelela “izipho” uma sebelaphekile izifo—kodwa angikunaki lokhu abakushoyo, kunalokho ngigxila ekuhlinzeni umuntu. Ngenxa yobuthaka bomuntu emzimbeni, esaba ummese uvala amehlo akhe alale ethukile etafuleni lokuhlinzwa—kodwa anginaki, ngiyaqhubeka nokwenza umsebenzi osezandleni Zami. Uma ukuhlinzwa sekuphelile, abantu sebephunyukile “ezidladleni zengwe.” Ngibondla ngezakhamzimba ezinothile, yize bengazi, izakhamzimba ezikubo ngaphakathi zilokhu zikhula kancane kancane. Khona-ke ngiyabamamathekela, bese bebona ubuso Bami beqiniso kuphela emva kokuthi sebebuye baphila, bese bengithanda kakhulu, bangithathe njengoyise—ngabe lokhu akusikho ukuxhumana phakathi kwezulu nomhlaba?

uNhlaba 4, 1992