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Ubusha Obungenakho Ukuzisola

6

UXiaowen    Edolobheni LaseChongqing 

Uthando luwumuzwa omsulwa, omsulwa ongenasici. Sebenzisa inhliziyo yakho, sebenzisa inhliziyo yakho ukuthanda nokuzwa kanye nokukhathalela. Uthando alubeki mibandela noma imigoqo noma ibanga. … Othandweni akukho kusola, akukho buqili, akukho nkohliso. Sebenzisa inhliziyo yakho, sebenzisa inhliziyo yakho ukuthanda nokuzwa kanye nokukhathalela. Othandweni akukho banga futhi akukho lutho olungemsulwa” (“Uthando Olumsulwa Olungenasici” kwethi Landelani Iwundlu Nihlabelele Izihlabelelo Ezintsha). Leli culo lezwi likaNkulunkulu lake langisiza ngedlula ebuhlungwini bokuphila okwathatha isikhathi eside ejele okwathatha iminyaka eyi-7 nezinyanga ezi-4. Nakuba uhulumeni we-CCP wangephuca iminyaka yobusha bami emihle kakhulu, ngithole iqiniso langempela neliyigugu kakhulu elivela kuNkulunkulu uSomandla futhi ngenxa yalokho anginakho ukukhononda noma ukuzisola.

Ngo-1996 ngathola ukuphakanyiswa uNkulunkulu futhi ngamukela insindiso kaNkulunkulu uSomandla ezinsukwini zokugcina. Ngokufunda amazwi kaNkulunkulu nangokuhlanganyela ndawonye, nganquma ukuthi konke uNkulunkulu akushilo kuyiqiniso, okuphambene ngokuphelele nalo lonke ulwazi nezimfundiso zaleli zwe elibi. Izwi likaNkulunkulu uSomandla liyisimiso sokuphila esiphakeme kakhulu. Into eyangenza ngajabula kakhulu ukuthi ngingikwazi ukukhuluma kalula nangokhululeka okuvulelekile nabafowethu nodadewethu. Ngangingenasidingo ngisho nesincane sokuzivikela ekubeni ngingatshazwe noma ngiphanjwe abantu lapho ngixoxisana nabo. Ngezwa ukududuzeka nenjabulo engangingazange ngiyizwe ngaphambili; ngawuthanda ngempela lo mndeni. Nokho, kungekude ngezwa kuthiwa izwe alibavumeli abantu ukuba bakholwe kuNkulunkulu uSomandla. Lolu daba lwangenza ngazizwa ngilahleke ngokuphelele, ngenxa yokuthi izwi Lakhe lalivumela abantu ukuba bakhonze uNkulunkulu futhi bahambe endleleni efanele yokuphila; lalivumela abantu ukuba bathembeke. Ukube wonke umuntu ukholwa kuNkulunkulu uSomandla, khona-ke izwe lonke belingaba nokuthula. Angizange ngikuqonde ngempela: Ukukholwa kuNkulunkulu kwakuyindlela enhle kakhulu ukuyithatha; kungani uhulumeni we-CCP ufuna ukushushisa nokuvimbela ukukholwa kuNkulunkulu uSomandla kuze kube sephuzwini lokuthi bangabopha labo abakholwa Kuye? Ngacabanga: Kungakhathaleki ukuthi uhulumeni we-CCP uyasishushisa noma ukuthi mkhulu kangakanani umbono womphakathi, nginqume ukuthi lena yindlela elungile yokuphila futhi ngokuqinisekile ngizohamba kuyo kuze kube sekugcineni!

Ngemva kwalokhu, ngaqala ukufeza umsebenzi wami ebandleni wokusabalalisa izincwadi zezwi likaNkulunkulu. Ngangazi ukuthi ukufeza lo msebenzi kuleli lizwe elimelana noNkulunkulu kwakuyingozi kakhulu nokuthi ngangingase ngiboshwe noma nini. Kodwa futhi ngangazi ukuthi njengengxenye yendalo yonke, kwakuwumsebenzi wami ekuphileni ukuba ngizidele ngoNkulunkulu futhi ngifeze umsebenzi wami; kwakuyisibopho engangingeke ngihlehle kuso. Lapho nje ngisaqala ukubambisana noNkulunkulu ngokuqiniseka, ngolunye usuku ngoSepthemba wango-2003, ngangisendleleni ukuyonikeza abanye abafowethu nodadewethu izincwadi zezwi likaNkulunkulu ngase ngiboshwa abantu boMnyango Wezokuphepha Komphakathi wedolobha.

Emnyangweni Wezokuphepha Komphakathi, ngaphenywa ngemibuzo ngokuphindelela futhi ngangingazi ukuthi kufanele ngiphendule kanjani; Masinyane ngakhala kuNkulunkulu: “O Nkulunkulu Somandla, ngicela unginike ukuhlakanipha Kwakho, futhi unginike amazwi okufanele ngiwasho ukuze ngingakukhapheli nokuba ngikwazi ukukufakazela.” Phakathi naleso sikhathi, ngakhala kuNkulunkulu nsuku zonke; angizange ngilokothe ngishiye uNkulunkulu, ngacela kuphela uNkulunkulu ukuba anginike ukuhlakanipha kanye nokwazi ukuze ngikwazi ukubhekana namaphoyisa amabi. Makadunyiswe uNkulunkulu ngokunginakekela nangokungivikela; ngaso sonke isikhathi engangiphonswa ngaso imibuzo, kwakungaba ukuthi ngiphimisa amathe, noma ngiba nentwabi engapheli futhi ngingakwazi ukukhuluma. Ngokubona umsebenzi kaNkulunkulu omangalisayo, ngaba nokuzimisela okuqinile: Ukungagodli lutho! Bangathatha ikhanda lami, bangathatha ukuphila kwami, kodwa ngokuqinisekile ngeke bangenze ngikhaphele uNkulunkulu namuhla! Ngesikhathi ngenza isinqumo sami sokuthi ngingamane ngibeke ukuphila kwami engozini kunokuba ngikhaphele uNkulunkulu njengoJuda, uNkulunkulu “wavuma” kuzo zonke izingxenye: Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ngiphenywa ngemibuzo, uNkulunkulu wayengivikela futhi engivumela ukuba ngedlule kuleso sikhathi esinzima ngokuthula. Ngisho nakuba ngingazange ngisho lutho, uhulumeni we-CCP wangibeka icala “lokusebenzisa ihlelo elibi ukuphazamisa ukusebenza komthetho” futhi wangigweba iminyaka eyi-9 ejele! Ngesikhathi ngizwa isigwebo senkantolo, angizange ngidumazeke ngenxa yokuvikela kukaNkulunkulu, futhi nabo ngangingabesabi; kunalokho, ngabenyanya. Ngesikhathi labo bantu bekhipha isigwebo, ngathi ngezwi eliphansi: “Lobu ubufakazi bokuthi uhulumeni we-CCP umelene noNkulunkulu!” Kamuva, izikhulu zokuphepha komphakathi zeza ukuzohlola isimo sami sengqondo ukuthi sinjani, futhi ngomoya opholile ngathi kuzo: “Iyini iminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye? Lapho isikhathi sifika sokuba mina ngiphume, ngizobe ngilokhu ngiyilungu leBandla LikaNkulunkulu uSomandla; uma ningangikholwa, lindani nje futhi nibone! Kodwa kufanele nikhumbule ukuthi, lolu daba lwake lwaba sezandleni zenu!” Isimo sami sengqondo sabamangalisa ngempela; baphakamisa izithupha zabo futhi basho ngokuphindaphindiwe: “Kwaze kwathandeka! Kwaze kwathandeka! UnguDade uJiang ngokungaphezulu kukaDade uJiang! Lapho kufika isikhathi sokuba uphume, siyobuthana futhi uyomenywa!” Ngaleso sikhathi, ngezwa ukuthi uNkulunkulu uthole inkazimulo futhi inhliziyo yami yajabula. Ngalowo nyaka engagwetshwa ngawo, ngangineminyaka yobudala engama-31 kuphela.

Amajele aseShayina ayisihogo esisemhlabeni, futhi ukuphila isikhathi eside ejele kwangenza ngabona ngokucacile ukungabi nabuntu kwangempela kukaSathane kanye nengqikithi yakhe yobudeveli esibe yisitha sikaNkulunkulu. Amaphoyisa aseShayina awalandeli ukubusa komthetho, kodwa kunalokho alandela ukubusa kobubi. Ejele, amaphoyisa awabhekani nabantu mathupha, kodwa kunalokho abekeza iziboshwa ukuba ziphathe ngobudlova ezinye iziboshwa. Amaphoyisa amabi futhi asebenzisa zonke izinhlobo zezindlela ukugcina imicabango yabantu ivalelekile; ngokwesibonelo, umuntu ngamunye ongenayo kwakufanele agqoke inyunifomu yeziboshwa efanayo enenombolo ekhethekile yokumehlukanisa kwabanye, kwakudingeka agunde izinwele zakhe ngokuvumelana nezindinganiso zasejele, kwakudingeka bagqoke izicathulo ezivunyelwe ijele, kwakudingeka bahambe ezindleleni iziboshwa ezivunyelwe ukuba zihambe kuzo, futhi kwakudingeka zihambe ngejubane lelo iziboshwa ezivumeleke ukuba zihambe ngalo. Kungakhathaleki ukuthi kusentwasahlobo, ehlobo, ekwindla noma ebusika, noma ngabe liyana noma liyashisa, noma ngabe kunamakhaza ashubisa umkantsha ngalolo suku, zonke iziboshwa kwakudingeka zenze lokho eziyalelwe kona ngaphandle kwanoma yikuphi ukuzikhethela. Usuku ngalunye kwakudingeka ukuba sihlangane okungenani izikhathi eziyi-15 ukuze sibalwe futhi sihubele uhulumeni we-CCP izindumiso okungenani izikhathi ezinhlanu; futhi sasiba nemisebenzi yezombusazwe, okuwukuthi, babesenza sifunde imithetho yasejele kanye nomthethosisekelo, futhi babesenza sithathe izivivinyo njalo ezinyangeni eziyisithupha. Injongo yalokhu kwakuwukuba balawule imiqondo yethu. Babeye futhi ngokungalandeli uhlelo oluthile bahlole ulwazi lwethu ngezijeziso nangemithetho yasejele. Amaphoyisa asejele ayengasishushisi nje kuphela ngokomqondo, ayesilimaza futhi ngokomzimba ngendlela engenabuntu ngokuphelele: Kwakudingeka ngenze umsebenzi onzima ngaphezu kwamahora ayishumi ngosuku, ngimpintshene namakhulu amaningana abanye abantu embonini encane ngenza umsebenzi wezandla. Ngenxa yokuthi kwakunabantu abaningi kakhulu endaweni encane kangako, futhi ngenxa yomsindo omkhulu wemishini owawukhona yonke indawo, kungakhathaleki ukuthi umuntu wayephile kahle kangakanani, imizimba yabo yayizwa ukukhubazeka okukhulu uma behlale lapho isikhathi eside. Ngemva kwami kwakunomshini wokuvula izimbobo endwangwini futhi nsuku zonke wawuvula ngokungaphezi izimbobo endwangwini. Wawukhipha umsindo wokuvunguza okungabekezeleleki futhi ngemva kweminyaka embalwa, ngaba nokuvaleka kwezindlebe okunzima. Ngisho nanamuhla angikalulami. Okwakuyingozi ngisho nakakhulu kubantu yizintuli kanye nokungcoliswa komoya embonini. Ngemva kokuhlolwa, abantu abaningi kwatholakala ukuthi bangenwe yisifo sofuba nesifo somphimbo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngenxa yokuhlala phansi isikhathi eside lapho wenza umsebenzi wezandla, kwakungenzeki uthole ukuhambahamba futhi abantu abaningi bangenwa yisifo esinzima sokuvuvuka kwemithanjana yendunu. Uhulumeni we-CCP wawuphatha iziboshwa njengemishini yokusebenza ukuze wenze imali; babengenandaba ngisho nakancane nokuthi umuntu uyaphila noma uyafa. Babenza abantu ukuba basebenze kusukela ekuseni kakhulu kuze kuhlwe. Kaningi ngangivame ukukhathala ngibe yingcuba kangangokuthi umzimba wami wawuze ungabe usakwazi ukuqhubekela phambili. Kwakungekhona lokhu kuphela, ngangiphinde futhi ngibhekane nazo zonke izinhlobo zezivivinyo ezenziwa ngendlela engalandeli uhlelo oluthile okungaphezu kwemisebenzi yami yamasonto onke yezombusazwe, umsebenzi wezandla, kanye nemisebenzi yomphakathi, njll. Ngakho-ke, nsuku zonke ngangihlala nginokukhathazeka okukhulu; isimo sami sengqondo sasihlala njalo sikhathazwa, futhi ngangesaba kakhulu ukuthi ngeke ngikwazi ukubamba konke uma ngingake ngidebesele kancane, futhi ngangizojeziswa amaphoyisa asejele. Kulolo hlobo lwesimo, ukwenza wonke umsebenzi wosuku ngalunye ngokuphepha nangendlela efanele kwakungeyona into elula ukuyenza.

Lapho ngisanda kuqala ukudonsa isigwebo sami, ngangingakwazi ukumela lolu hlobo lokuphathwa ngonya ngamaphoyisa asejele. Zonke izinhlobo zomsebenzi wezandla onzima kanye nokucindezelwa ngemibono kwenza kwaba nzima ukuphefumula, ingasaphathwa eyokuthi kwakudingeka ngibe nazo zonke izindlela zokuxhumana neziboshwa. Kwakudingeka futhi ngibekezelele ukuphathwa kabi nezinhlamba zamaphoyisa asejele anobudeveli kanye neziboshwa…. Ngangishushiswa njalo futhi ngicushiwe. Izikhathi eziningana, ngazizwa ngiphelelwa yithemba, ikakhulu lapho ngicabanga ngobude besigwebo sami seminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye, ngafikelwa umuzwa wokushiywa dengwane futhi angazi ukuthi ngakhala izikhathi ezingaki—kwaze kwaba sephuzwini lokucabanga ngokuzibulala ukuze ngizikhulule ebuhlungwini engangikubo. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ngicwila osizini olukhulu futhi ngingakwazi ukuzisekela, ngangithandaza masinyane bese ngikhala kuNkulunkulu futhi uNkulunkulu angikhanyisele bese engiqondisa: “Ngeke ufe okwamanje. Kufanele ufumbathe izibhakela zakho uqhubeke nokuzimisela ngokuphila; kufanele ukuphila ukuphilele uNkulunkulu. Lapho abantu beneqiniso phakathi kubona baba nalokhu kuzimisela bangaphindi futhi bafise ukufa. Uma ukufa kukwethusa, uyothi, ‘O Nkulunkulu, angizimisele ngokufa; angikakwazi. Angikalubuyiseli uthando Lwakho. … Kufanele ngibe nobufakazi obuhle kuNkulunkulu. Kufanele ngilubuyisele uthando lukaNkulunkulu. Emva kwalokho, akukhathalekile ukuthi ngifa kanjani. Ngiyobe sengiphile impilo eyenelisayo. Kungakhathaleki ukuthi ubani omunye ofayo, ngeke ngife manje; kufanele ngiqhubeke ngokuzimisela nokuphila.’ ” (“Indlela Yokwazi Imvelo Yomuntu” kwethi Izinkulumo ZikaKristu Ezilotshiwe). Amazwi kaNkulunkulu ayefana nokubonakala okuthambile nokuntofontofo kukamama wami ethulisa inhliziyo yami enesizungu. Ayefana futhi nobaba wami esebenzisa izandla zombili ukuze ngokufudumele nangobunono angesule izinyembezi ebusweni bami. Ngokushesha, umoya ofudumele kanye namandla kwangena enhliziyweni yami. Nakuba ngangihlukunyezwa ngokomzimba ejele lobumnyama, umzamo wokuzibulala wawungeyona intando kaNkulunkulu. Ngangingeke ngikwazi ukufakazela uNkulunkulu futhi ngangiyoba yinhlekisa kuSathane. Kwakungaba ubufakazi uma ngiphuma ngiphila kuleli jele lobudimoni ngemva kweminyaka eyisishiyagalolunye. Amazwi kaNkulunkulu anginika isibindi sokuqhubeka nempilo yami futhi ngenza isinqumo enhliziyweni yami: Kungakhathaleki ukuthi yibuphi ubunzima obungaphambi kwami, ngizoqhubeka ngenkuthalo ngiphile; ngizophila ngesibindi nangokuqinile futhi ngokuqinisekile ngifakazele ukwanelisa uNkulunkulu.

Unyaka ngonyaka, umthwalo womsebenzi wenza umzimba wami kancane kancane waba buthakathaka. Ngemva kokuhlala isikhathi esinde embonini ngaqala ukujuluka ngibe manzi nte futhi ukuvuvuka kwemithambo yendunu yami kwakuba nokopha lapho sekubuhlungu kakhulu. Ngenxa yokuba nokuntuleka kwegazi okubi emzimbeni wami, njalo ngangizizwa nginesiyezi. Kodwa ejele, ukubona udokotela akuyona into elula ukuyenza; uma amaphoyisa asejele ejabulile, ayenginika imithi eshibhile. Uma engajabulile, ayethi ngenza sengathi ngiyagula ukuze ngingasebenzi. Kwakudingeka ngibekezelele ukuhlushwa yilokhu kugula futhi ngigwinye izinyembezi zami. Ngemva komsebenzi wosuku ngangikhathala ngibe yingcuba. Ngangihudula umzimba wami okhathele ngiphindele esitokisini sasejele futhi ngifune ukuthola ukuphumula okuthile, kodwa ngangingenawo amandla okuthola nokuncane ukulala okukahle: Kungaba ukuthi amaphoyisa asejele ayengibiza phakathi nobusuku ukuze ngizokwenza okuthile, noma ngivuswa umsindo ondindizelayo owenziwa ngamaphoyisa asejele. … Ayevame njalo ukudlala ngami futhi ngihlukumezeke ngokungachazeki. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kwakudingeka ngibekezelele ukuphathwa ngonya amaphoyisa asejele. Ngangifana nombaleki olele phansi noma kumaphasishi, noma ngisho eceleni kwendlu yangasese. Izimpahla engangizihlanza zazinganekwa ukuze zome, kodwa zazomela emzimbeni wami, siminyene ndawonye nezinye iziboshwa. Ukuhlanza izimpahla ebusika kwakukhungathekisa kakhulu, futhi abantu abaningi bangenwa yisifo samathambo ngenxa yokwembatha izimpahla ezinomswakama isikhathi eside. Ejele, kwakungathathi isikhathi eside ukuba abantu abaphile kahle babe buthuntu futhi bathathe izinto kancane, emzimbeni babe buthakathaka noma bangenwe yizifo. Sasivame ukudla ukudla okudala, amacembe emifino omisiwe ayengawenye inkathi yonyaka. Uma ufuna ukudla okuthile okungcono, khona-ke kwakudingeka uyothenga ukudla okubizayo kwasejele. Nakuba abantu babefundiswa umthetho ejele, wawungekho umthetho lapho; amaphoyisa asejele ayengumthetho futhi uma othile ewanyathele kabi, ayengathola isizathu sokukujezisa—kungaze kube sezingeni lokuthi angakujezisa ngisho nangaphandle kwanoma yisiphi isizathu. Okwakukubi ngisho nangokwengeziwe ukuthi babebheka abakholwa kuNkulunkulu uSomandla njengezigebengu zezombusazwe, bethi amacala ethu ayemabi ukwedlula elokubulala kanye necala lokushisa ngomlilo. Ngakho-ke, babengizonda kakhulu futhi bengilawula ngesandla esiqinile, futhi bengishushisa ngonya olukhulu. Lolu hlobo olubi lokuziphatha luwubufakazi obuqanda ikhanda bokuziphatha okonakele komashiqela, ukuphikisana neZulu, kanye nobutha noNkulunkulu! Ngokubekezelela ukuhlushwa okunonya kwasejele, inhliziyo yami njalo yayigcwala intukuthelo enkulu: Yimuphi umthetho owephulwa ukukholwa kuNkulunkulu nokukhonza uNkulunkulu? Kuyicala lani ukulandela uNkulunkulu futhi uhambe endleleni efanele yokuphila? Abantu badalwa yizandla zikaNkulunkulu futhi ukukholwa kuNkulunkulu nokukhulekela uNkulunkulu kungumthetho wezulu nomhlaba; yisiphi isizathu uhulumeni we-CCP anaso sokuthi ngobudlova angavimbela futhi ashushise abenza lokhu? Ngokusobala kuwukuziphatha okonakele nokuphikisana neZulu; uzibeka ekubeni umelane noNkulunkulu kunoma yisiphi isici, unamathisela igama lokuvukela amakholweni kaNkulunkulu uSomandla kanye nokusishushisa kanzima futhi usibhubhise. Uzama ukushabalalisa bonke abakholwa kuNkulunkulu uSomandla ngesenzo nje esisodwa. Ingabe lokhu akukhona yini ukushintsha okumnyama ngokumhlophe nokuvukela ngokuphelele? Ngokuxhamazela umelana neZulu futhi uwumfuni uNkulunkulu; ekugcineni kufanele ubhekane nokujezisa okulungule kukaNkulunkulu! Konke lapho kunenkohlakalo khona, kufanele kube nokwahlulela; Konke lapho kunesono khona, kufanele kube nesijeziso. Lona umthetho owanqunya kudala uNkulunkulu wezulu, akakho ongawubalekela. Amacala amabi kahulumeni we-CCP asenqwabelene aze afinyelela esibhakabhakeni, futhi uzothola ukubhujiswa uNkulunkulu. Kunjengoba nje uNkulunkulu eshilo: “UNkulunkulu ubelokhu ewenyanya ngazo zonke izindlela lo mphakathi ongcolile. Uthukuthele kakhulu, ulangazelela ukunyathela omubi, inyoka endala, ukuze ingaphinde ivuke, futhi ingaphinde ihlukumeze umuntu; ngeke azixolele izenzo zayo ezedlule, ngeke akabukezelele ukukhohlakala komuntu, uyolungisa izono zawo wonke umuntu phakathi nenkathi edlule; uNkulunkulu ngeke nakancane acicize ngengqongqo yabo bonke ububi,[1] nakanjani uyoyishaya ayibhuqe. ” (“Umsebenzi Nokungena (8) kwethi Izwi Livela Lisenyameni).

Kuleli jele lobudimoni, ngangingaphansi ngisho kwenja elahlekile emehlweni alawa maphoyisa amabi; ayengangishayi futhi angithethise nje kuphela, kodwa lawa maphoyisa amabi ayengena njalo futhi ngokushesha ahlakaze umbhede wami kanye nezinto zami zonakale. Futhi, ngaso sonke isikhathi uma kwenzeka iziphithiphithi ezithile ngaphandle kwejele, abantu abaphethe lapho ejele ngezindaba zezombusazwe babeza kimi futhi bangiphonse imibuzo ukuze bathole imibono yami ngalezo zehlakalo futhi njalo babengibhozomela ngokuthi kungani ngihamba endleleni yokukholwa kuNkulunkulu. Isikhathi ngasinye lapho ngibhekana nalolu hlobo lokuphenywa ngemibuzo, inhliziyo yami yayigxuma ivale umphimbo wami ngenxa yokuthi ngangingazi ukuthi yimaphi amaqhinga amabi ababenawo engqondweni ngami. Inhliziyo yami yayithandaza masinyane kuNkulunkulu futhi ngikhalele usizo nokuqondiswa ngokuphuma kule nkinga. Usuku ngosuku, unyaka nonyaka, ukuhlukunyezwa, ukuxhashazwa, nokucindezelwa kwakungihlukumeza ngendlela engachazeki: Usuku ngalunye ngangigidlabezwa ngomsebenzi wezandla kanye nemisebenzi enesidina, ekhathazayo yezombusazwe, futhi ngangihlushwa ukugula kwami kanti ngaphezu kwakho konke, ngangicindezelekile engqondweni. Kwakungenza ngifise ukufa. Ikakhulukazi lapho ngibona isiboshwa sesifazane esesiqinile sizilengisa ngefasitela phakathi nobusuku ngenxa yokuthi singasakwazi ukubekezelela ukuhlushwa okunonya ngamaphoyisa amabi, esinye isiboshwa sesifazane esesikhulile safa ngokwephuza ukuthola ukwelashwa ngenxa yokugula kwaso, ngazithola ngisenkingeni efanayo futhi ngaphinde ngaqala ukufuna ukuzibulala. Ngezwa sengathi ukufa kuwuhlobo olungcono lokukhululeka. Kodwa ngangazi ukuthi lokho kwakuzobe kuwukukhaphela uNkulunkulu futhi angikwenzanga. Ngangingenayo enye indlela ngaphandle kokubekezelela bonke ubuhlungu futhi ngizithobe emalungiselelweni kaNkulunkulu. Kodwa ngokushesha lapho ngicabanga nje ngesigwebo sami eside, futhi ngicabanga ngokuthi kwakusekude kangakanani ukuba ngithole ukukhululeka, ngezwa kungekho mazwi okuchaza ubuhlungu nokuphelelwa yithemba kwami; ngezwa sengathi anginakukwazi ukuqhubeka nokubekezelela lokhu futhi angazi ukuthi ngizokwazi isikhathi eside kangakanani ukubambelela. Zingakanani izikhathi engangingenzi lutho ngazo kodwa ngizimboze ngengubo yami phakathi nobusuku bese ngikhala, ngithandaza futhi ngincenga uNkulunkulu uSomandla futhi ngimtshela ngabo bonke ubuhlungu obabusemqondweni wami. Ngesikhathi sobuhlungu nokuphelelwa yithemba okukhulu kakhulu kwami, ngacabanga: Ngiyahlukumezeka namuhla ukuze ngizahlukanise nokukhohlakala bese ngithola insindiso kaNkulunkulu. Lobu bunzima buyilokho okufanele ngikuzwe, futhi yilokhu okumele ngikuzwe. Masinyane lapho ngicabanga ngalokhu, angibange ngisabuzwa ubuhlungu; kunalokho, ngezwa ukuthi ukufakwa kwami ejele ngenxa yokholo lwami kuNkulunkulu, nokubekezelela ubunzima ukuze ngithole insindiso kwakuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu neyenani elikhulu; lokhu kuhlukumezeka kwakubaluleke kakhulu! Ngokungazi, ukucindezeleka kwenhliziyo yami kwaguquka kwaba yinjabulo futhi angikwazanga ukubamba imizwa yami; ngaqala ukucula iculo lokuhlangenwe nakho engangilejwayele enhliziyweni yami elinesihloko esithi “Ukungaphileli Ize”: “Ukungaphileli ize, naphezu kobunzima, kunenjongo; ukungaphileli ize, ngeke sibubalekele ubunzima; ukungaphileli ize, sithola amathuba okwazi uNkulunkulu; ukungaphileli ize, siyazikhandla ngoNkulunkulu oPhezukonke. Ubani obusiseke kakhulu ukwedlula thina? Ubani onenhlanhla enkulu ukwedlula thina? Lokho uNkulunkulu asiphe khona kwedlula konke okwezizukulwane ezedlule; kufanele siphilele uNkulunkulu, kufanele sikhokhele uNkulunkulu ngothando Lwakhe olukhulu.” Ngaliphindaphinda iculo enhliziyweni yami futhi lapho ngicula ngokwengeziwe enhliziyweni yami, kwaba yilapho ngikhuthazeka ngokwengeziwe; lapho ngicula ngokwengeziwe, ngezwa ngokwengeziwe nginamandla kanye nenjabulo. Ngazithola sengenza isifungo phambi kukaNkulunkulu: “Oh Nkulunkulu Somandla, ngiyakubonga ngokungiduduza Kwakho nangokungikhuthaza okungenze ngaphinde ngaba nokholo nesibindi sokuqhubeka ngiphila. Ungivumele ukuba ngizwe ukuthi Wena uyiNkosi ngempela yokuphila kwami nokuthi Wena ungamandla okuphila kwami. Nakuba ngiboshwe kulo mgodi wesihogo, angingedwa, ngoba Wena ngaso sonke isikhathi ubulokhu unami kulezi zinsuku zobumnyama; unginikeze ukholo ngokuphindaphindiwe kanye nokukhuthalela ukuqhubeka nokuphila. O Nkulunkulu, uma ngingakwazi ukuphuma lapha ngelinye ilanga futhi ngiphile ngokukhululeka, khona-ke ngiyofeza imisebenzi yami futhi ngeke ngisazwisa inhliziyo Yakho ubuhlungu noma ngizenzele ezami izinhlelo. O Nkulunkulu, kungakhathaleki ukuthi zilukhuni noma zinzima kangakanani izinsuku ezingaphambili, ngizimisele ukuthembela Kuwe ukuze ngiqhubeke ngiphile ngamandla!”

Ejele, ngangivame ukukhumbula izinsuku enganginabafowethu nodadewethu ngazo; lezo kwakuyizikhathi ezinhle kakhulu! Wonke umuntu wayethokozile futhi ehleka, futhi sasiye sibe nokungaboni ngaso linye, kodwa konke lokho kwaba yizinkumbulo ezimnandi. Kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi uma ngicabanga ngezikhathi engafeza ngazo imisebenzi yami ngokumane ngigcine icala nje ngokwedlule, ngangizizwa nginecala nesikweletu esikhulu. Ngacabanga ngokungaboni ngaso linye engake ngaba nakho nabafowethu nodadewethu ngenxa yokuba kwami nesimo sengqondo sokuzidla; Ngazizwa ngingakhululekile futhi nginokuzisola okukhulu. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho lokhu kwenzeka, ngangikhala kakhulu bese ngicula buthule iculo elijwayelekile enhliziyweni yami: “Ngiyazisola ngempela ngokuthi zikangakanani izikhathi ezimnandi ezilahlekile, isikhathi esihambile futhi ngeke siphinde sibuye, konke osekusele ukuzisola. … Ngizowalungisa amaphutha ami esikhathi esedlule, ngigcwele ukholo nokulungela ukuqala kabusha; uNkulunkulu wanginikeza amathuba, futhi waphinde wangixolela; ngizimisele ukuphinde ngikhethe. Ngazise inamuhla, nginikele ngakho konke okwami, ngizokwanelisa uNkulunkulu okokugcina; uNkulunkulu ukhathazekile, uNkulunkulu ulindele, ngeke ngiphinde ngimenzele phansi uNkulunkulu” (“Ngizisola Ngempela” kwethi Landelani Iwundlu Nihlabelele Izingoma Ezintsha). Ebuhlungwini nasekuzisoleni kwami, njalo ngangithandaza kuNkulunkulu enhliziyweni yami: O Nkulunkulu! Ngempela ngisilele kakhulu Kuwe; uma ungavuma, ngizimisele ukufuna ukuthanda Wena. Ngemva kokuphuma ejele, ngizokhu ngizimisele ukufeza imisebenzi yami futhi ngizobe ngizimisele ukuqala kabusha! Ngizowalungisa amaphutha ami esikhathi esedlule! Ngesikhathi ngisejele, ngangibakhumbula kakhulu labo bafowethu nodadewethu engangixhumana nabo ekuseni nasebusuku; ngangifuna ngempela ukubabona, kodwa kuleli jele lobudimoni engangiboshwe kulo, leso sifiso sasiyisicelo esingenakwenzeka. Nokho, ngangivame njalo ukubona laba bafowethu nodadewethu emaphusheni ami; ngangiphupha sifunda izwi likaNkulunkulu ndawonye futhi sixoxa ngeqiniso ndawonye. Sasijabulile futhi sithokozile.

Ngesikhathi sokuzamazama okukhulu komhlaba kwango-2008 eWanchuan, ijele esasiboshwe kulo lazamazama futhi ngaba umuntu wokugcina owaphuma endaweni ngaleso sikhathi. Ngalezo zinsuku ukundindizela kwakuqhubeka. Kokubili iziboshwa namaphoyisa asejele babesaba futhi bekhathazeke kakhulu ngokuthi kungenzeka bangakwazi ukuqhubeka bephila. Kodwa inhliziyo yami yayingakhathezekile futhi yayiqinile kakhulu, ngoba ngangazi ukuthi lokhu kwakuyizwi likaNkulunkulu selenzeka; kwakuwukufika kwentukuthelo evuthayo kaNkulunkulu. Kulokho kuzamazama komhlaba okukodwa eminyakeni eyikhulu, izwi likaNkulunkulu lahlala livikele inhliziyo yami; ngikholwa ukuthi ukuphila nokufa komuntu konke kusezandleni zikaNkulunkulu. Kungakhathaleki ukuthi uNkulunkulu ukwenza kanjani, ngizimisele ukuthobela amalungiselelo kaNkulunkulu. Nokho, ukuphela kwento eyangenza ngadabuka ukuthi uma ngingafa, khona-ke ngeke ngibe nethuba lokufeza umsebenzi wami eNkosini yendalo, ngeke ngikwazi ukuba nethuba lokukhokha uthando lukaNkulunkulu, futhi ngeke ngikwazi ukubona abafowethu nodadewethu. Nokho, ukukhathazeka kwami kwakuyihaba; uNkulunkulu ngaso sonke isikhathi wayekanye nami futhi enginika ukuvikeleka okuphelele, okwangivumela ukuba ngisinde ekuzamazameni komhlaba futhi ngaphila ngokuthula kukho!

NgoJanuwari 2011, ngasheshe ngakhululwa, ekugcineni okwaqeda ukuphila kwami njengesigqila ejele. Ekutholeni inkululeko yami, inhliziyo yami yajabula kakhulu: Sengingabuyela ebandleni! Sengingaba nabafowethu nodadewethu! Amazwi ayengakwazi ukuchaza umuzwa wesimo sami sengqondo. Engangingakulindele kwakuwukuthi ngemva kokubuyela kwami ekhaya, indodakazi yami yayingasangazi, kanti nezihlobo kanye nabangane bami bangibheka ngokwehlukile; bonke babeziqhelelanisa nami futhi bengakhulumi ngisho nanami. Abantu abangizungezile babengangiqondi noma bangemukele. Ngalesi sikhathi, ngisho noma ngangingasekho ejele ngihlukunyezwa futhi ngihlushwa, ukunganakwa, ukuklolodelwa, kanye nokushiywa kwenza kwaba nzima ukukuthwala. Ngaba buthakathaka futhi ngaba nombono ongalungile. Ngazithola sengicabanga emuva ngezinsuku ezedlule: Lapho kwenzeka isehlakalo, ngangineminyaka engamashumi amathathu nanye kuphela ubudala; lapho ngiphuma ejele, kwase kwedlule ubusika obuyisishiyagalombili kanye nehlobo eliyisikhombisa. Zingaki izikhathi zomzwangedwa kanye nezobuthakathaka bami lapho uNkulunkulu ayehlele abantu, izindaba noma izinto ukuze zingisize; zingaki izikhathi ebuhlungwini nasekuphelelweni yithemba kwami lapho amazwi kaNkulunkulu ayengiduduze khona; Zingaki izikhathi lapho ngangifuna ukufa kodwa uNkulunkulu wanginika amandla okuba nesibindi sokuqhubeka ngiphile. … Phakathi naleyo minyaka emide nebuhlungu, uNkulunkulu owayengihola esinyathelweni ngasinye ngaze ngaphuma esigodini sethunzi lokufa ukuze ngiqhubeke ngokuphikelela nokuphila. Ekubhekaneni nalobu bunzima manje, ngiba nombono ophambeni futhi ngaphelelwa umdlandla ngaba buthakathaka ngase ngidabukisa uNkulunkulu. Ngangiyigwala langempela futhi ngingumuntu oyisehluleki owayelume isandla esasikade singondla! Ngokucabanga ngalokhu, inhliziyo yami yangilahla kakhulu; ngazithola sengicabanga ngesifungo engasenza noNkulunkulu ngesikhathi ngisejele: “Uma ngingakwazi ukuphuma lapha ngelinye ilanga futhi ngiphile ngokukhululeka, khona-ke ngiyobe ngilokhu ngifeza imisebenzi yami. Angizimisele ukuphinde ngilimaze inhliziyo kaNkulunkulu futhi ngeke ngilokothe ngizenzele izinhlelo zami!” Ngacabanga ngalesi sifungo futhi ngazindla ngesimo engangikuso lapho ngenza isifungo kuNkulunkulu. Izinyembezi zagcwala emehlweni ami futhi kancane ngacula iculo lezwi likaNkulunkulu: “Ekuzimiseleni kwami ngilandela uNkulunkulu. Anginandaba nokuthi uyangifuna noma cha. Ngifuna ukuthanda Yena, ukumlandela ngokuqinile. Ngiyomzuza, nginikele ukuphila kwami Kuye. Sengathi intando kaNkulunkulu ingafezwa. Sengathi inhliziyo yami inganikelwa ngokugcwele kuNkulunkulu. Noma ngabe uNkulunkulu wenzani noma ungihlelelani, ngiyolokhu ngilandela, ngifuna ukumzuza. … Uma ufisa ukuma futhi ugcwalise intando kaNkulunkulu, uma ufuna ukumlandela kuze kube sekugcineni, beka isisekelo esiqinile, yenza iqiniso kuzo zonke izinto. Lokhu kujabulisa uNkulunkulu futhi Yena uyoqinisa uthando lwakho. … Njengoba ubhekene nezilingo, unosizi futhi uyahlukumezeka. Kodwa, ngenxa yokuthanda uNkulunkulu, uyobekezelela bonke ubunzima, udele ukuphila kwakho nakho konke” (“Ngeke ngiphumule Ngize Ngizuze UNkulunkulu” kwethi Landelani Iwundlu Nihlabelele Izihlabelelo Ezintsha).

Ngemva kwesikhathi esithile sokukhuleka kanye nokulungiswa ngokomoya, ngokushesha ngaphuma esimweni sami esiphambene ngaphansi kokukhanyiselwa uNkulunkulu ngase ngibuya ngiziphonsa ezinhlwini zokufeza imisebenzi yami.

Nakuba iminyaka emihle kakhulu yobusha bami yachithwa ejele; phakathi nale minyaka eyisikhombisa kanye nezinyanga ezine ngahlukumezeka kanzima ngenxa yokholo lwami kuNkulunkulu, anginakho ukukhononda kanye nokuzisola, ngoba ngiqonda iqiniso elithile futhi ngiluzwile uthando lukaNkulunkulu. Nginomuzwa wokuthi kunomqondo kanye nokubaluleka ekuhluphekeni kwami; lokhu kuwukuphakanyiswa okukhulu kanye nomusa uNkulunkulu awenzile kimi; lokhu ukukhetha kwami! Ngisho noma izihlobo zami kanye nabangane bengangiqondi, futhi ngisho noma indodakazi yami ingangazi, akekho umuntu, udaba noma into engangehlukanisa nobudlelwano bami noNkulunkulu; ngisho noma ngiyafa, angikwazi ukushiya uNkulunkulu.

Uthando Oluhlanzekile Olungenasici yiculo engangithanda kakhulu ukulicula ejele; manje, ngifuna ukusebenzisa izenzo zami ezingokoqobo ukunikela uthando oluhlanzeke kakhulu kuNkulunkulu!

Imibhalo engezansi:

a.“Ubhongoza wabo bonke ububi” kubhekise kudeveli omdala. La mazwi aveza ukwenyanya okukhulu.

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